1. This collection of short pieces is
really one long happily self-indulgent doodle, unravelling across the floor of an outside bog. It could have been
printed in the form of a toilet roll, in fact. This is not an insult or
criticism, just a thought for future marketing, because Kevin Coyne talks a
lot about arses, flatulent ones mostly, with the kind of joy one would expect
of a toddler who`d swallowed a dictionary, and then ran around showing
everyone the resultant gleaming turds.
Dad: Was that
you or a passing motorbike?... Could it be that spicy fiddle faddle you cooked for dinner?
and this, from `Topsy Turvy Time`;
pauses to fart four times. Switch to a small bar in Oslo. A jolly group of
Norwegian youths are gathered round a log fire farting in harmony. A buxom,
middle-aged woman in a long velvet evening dress is conducting them with
great panache. The loudest of the young farters starts a conversation with
Someone much sadder and more obsessive
than I might count the times farting is mentioned. It would be a lot, I bet.
Also any slang word for penis. I`m wondering if the intention of this book is
to topple the reign of the `coffee table` book, by making this the best
`smallest room` book ever written. Then I could say it`s making a class
statement, or some valid point about the state of current literature. But I
think it`s just Mr Coyne having fun with himself, and us, if we care to join
He sat down to
write... "In the midst of the
hallucination of time a steam roller had squashed his violet pumps." He was
Oscar Wilde - or was he? He`d been mad once (or was it twice?) and the
thoughts of entering that screaming dark world again shocked him. He decided
he wasn`t Oscar Wilde; that he was really himself writing about Oscar Wilde.
He felt better.
You can almost feel the thinking process
happening, or running away with itself for sheer delight in it`s own daftness;
obsessed with Cardiff.
5. This collection of short pieces (and
a few poems too) is for Viz fans who can spell. Or maybe it`s a genuine
poke in the establishment`s eye. I didn`t find it
very funny; I found some turns of phrase truly inspired, and the rest of it
mind-numbingly crass. Now I must go, as my senile cat`s making a fuss about
using his tray again and it`s given me an idea for a story.